One of the hardest parts of moving on from years of abuse is cleaning up all the toxins picked up from those closest to you. Undoing years of habits and coping mechanisms take someone who actively wants change, which can be empowering and exhausting.
One of the biggest problems with trying to become a better person than those will allow me to be is trying to forget all the good memories we shared. It’s so easy to hold on to someone when you think “they were just having a bad day” or “maybe that was my fault”. Every day was a bad day in its own way, and it was rarely your direct fault in reality. One of the hardest parts is forgiving yourself for what you did when you were in that situation and how you dealt with the stress and anguish it brought.
They say that every 10 years you become a new person, and that gives me hope that one day I will be more than a body of toxins.